“I Couldn’t Have Done it Without You”

“I couldn’t have done it without you”

they often whisper in my ear, breathless

cheeks rosy from the work of birth

sweet beads on their clavicle

 

“not only could you have, but you did”

is what i whisper back

eyes always filling from the bottom up

like little prayers

 

it wasn’t me there

as she hung her head back

between the tidal waves

jaw as loose as the

hinges on the open door in her heart

 

it wasn’t me that pushed

tired feet into the ground

and gripped the door jamb

as moans from the other side came forth

 

it wasn’t me that used the

tip of the heart like a spade

to dig down deeper, even deeper,

to find courage and one last bit of braided strength

 

it wasn’t me that allowed the fire

to singe just enough so that

all the old wounds could be burned

and passage could be cleared

 

and of course it wasn’t me

who knelt on one bended knee

in genuflection to the alter of birth

as a baby was moved from that space to this one

and unfurled into her own waiting hands

 

i look at her, at you, at them

and i know more than i ever have

in that precise moment of infinite time

and i whisper to her

“i couldn’t have done it with you”

las2013

Spring E-Course {Registration Open}

{from my latest newsletter}

Cross Section of Chambered Nautilus Shell
10 is the magic number….

I would like to offer another Spring Doula E-Course session from April 8 – 28th.    However, to make it worth everyone’s effort and time I would like to have at least 10 conscientious participants.   Could one of them be you?  If you have serious interest in delving deep into the world of Birth, please click on this link to register.

Discounted Price:  $60!

doula e course content

 ”This is what you have given me:  So much more respect for mothers, women, babies, children, families, birth, life.  You have filled my mind with your knowledge and openness, you have filled my spirit with the outmost respect. And you have given me calmness, as I try to slow down my life, and connect.” - Camila, Fall e-course participant

A Rosy Approach

“Attending births is like growing roses. You have to marvel at the ones that just open up and bloom at the first kiss of the sun but you wouldn’t dream of pulling open the petals of the tightly closed buds and forcing them to blossom to your time line.” – Gloria Lemay

 

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Ode to Gaia

photo

Earth, oldest mother we know

A mirror of our own souls

Beauty amidst chaos

Opening your skies

To welcome the dark each night

Letting a moon’s light

And a star’s tiny flicker

Gleam through the dimness

Asleep but awakening

As your work continues

Churning salty oceans

Breathing fire at your core

Melting ice with ease

Surrendering your soil

To the burrowing homes

Of creatures

And curious feet

Breeze, your breath

Rivers, your veins

Tides, your heartbeat

Rain, your tears

Sun, your heart center

Moon, your dark sister

Trees, your stretching limbs

Thunder, your voice

Birth, your song

 

**las2012

The Space of Birth

I wrote this a few years ago for a prior website related to how design and architecture impacts each of us.

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The light of a singular candle flickers, its sea-inspired aroma lingering.  Silky tapestries dappled with soothing pastels move fluidly with the breeze from the fan.   The air is humid and warm, full of anticipation and ancient memory.  A bed, littered purposely with pillows of various sizes and thickness, awaits with freshly smoothed and laundered sheets.    Like a protective lioness, low moans emanate in harmony with quietly sung chants, and the occasional sound of water being swirled by fingertips; the soundscape of birth.  Breath, deep and intentional, becomes the new song.

In this protective cocoon, there are no strangers.    As the sun peers through the curtain, a new life emerges into this space.  This is the space of my youngest daughter’s birth.

Growing up around litters of cats and dogs, I was always intrigued to notice how the females seemed to retreat to a place of quiet and solitude when it was time to give birth:$   Under the bed with dust and old magazines, in the closet amongst the stash of winter clothes, or beneath the evergreen bushes.  This migration to a safe refuge signaled the imminent addition of babies to our clan of animal companions.  Noticing this, my family would often respectfully help the animal create an optimal birthing space by fluffing a cozy pallet of blankets, keeping water and food near, and providing protection from the elements.

I find it no coincidence that humans seek to create similar birth spaces, ones that sustain the biological, emotional, and physical needs of birth.  From a biological perspective, scientists and midwives alike recognize the critical innate need for a birthing woman to feel “safe” during the experience of labor and birth.   This understanding is based on “the hormonal orchestration of labor and birth”, as described by childbirth educator Judith Lothian, or rather the physiologic process of birth that involves the stress hormone catecholamine.

Lothian continues:  “In nature, when a laboring animal feels threatened or disturbed, the stress hormone catecholamine shuts down labor. Similarly, when a laboring woman does not feel safe or protected or when the progress of her normal labor is altered, catecholamine levels rise and labor slows down or stops.”

As we venture into the emotional layer of birthing, we understand that “safety” takes on a new meaning; one of feeling loved, attended to, listened to, supported.  In this space a birthing woman is provided the expanse of freedom and fluidity.

Furthermore, we know that the design and ambiance of spaces and places are often an important component in cultural or social rites of passage.   These are the places we will venture to year after year, to feed our desire for ritual and remembrance.  The acoustics and grandness of a cathedral for a wedding, the chirping of crickets and hand-made fire surrounding a summer camp, and the perfect combination of vehicle and seclusion for a lover’s lookout point.

With birth as the ultimate rite of passage, the concept of appropriate space is paramount.  Let us not forget that not only will a woman be doing the work of a lifetime in this space, but a child will marks its arrival there as well.   In terms of sustainable design (that which sustains the spirit and the earth), how can we accommodate the creation of safe, respectful places for women to birth?

Like many women, I chose to birth at home because I felt safe in its familiar territory.  I could handpick my birth team – thereby eliminating strangers in my birth space – and arrange my space to fit my very my comfort level.   The germs were my own.  The music my own.  The blankets, the clothing, the food, the timeline, and the rhythm were all my own.

But for the majority of women who choose to birth in hospital or birthing centers, the same level of comfort and security is deserved.  A space full of humanity instead of institution.

If the word “sustainable” means To support the spirits, vitality, or resolution of; encourage” then I propose that designers of health care facilities and consumers alike ask the following conscientious and holistic questions regarding birth spaces:

Is there natural light in each room?   Private access to a shower or a roomy bathtub?  Rounded, gentle corners to walls and sturdy counters to lean against?  The ability to dim the lights?  Equipment for music?  A cabinet with a stock of rice socks, birth balls, massagers, fans, and other comfort measures? Soft surfaces like cork – which is naturally antimicrobial, renewable, mold and mildew resistant, and non-allergenic – to pad tired, heavy pregnant feet upon or rest weary knees upon?  Unique temperature controls for each room?  Warm slippers and a decadent robe hanging from hooks? Soft curtains and fabrics adorning the room?

Photos of strength, depictions of goddesses, images of nature? A double sized bed for a partner or support person (and eventually a newborn)  to rest alongside the laboring woman?  Wonder Woman cups to sip from? An interactive, cozy, playful, safe waiting room for children and loved ones?  Furniture scaled for pregnant women and soothing colors on the wall?  The greeting of fresh flowers in each room? A private patio with a porch swing and a drift of breeze?  A walking path filled with blooming flowers and a koi pond?

I won’t deny that this collective effort to provide “birth-sustainable” design may cost more or require more thoughtful planning.  I admit that some of these requests come at the worthy price of a culture shift; from a “birth for the masses” mentality to a “birth for the individual” approach.   Because I don’t know any birthing woman who loves the tiny, hard beds, glaring lights, and cold floors of a hospital.

Isn’t the environment in which we are born worth the extra cost and extra attention?  Must women sacrifice the need to birth in an intentional, provocative space?  Are there architect and administrations willing to forgo convention in an effort to bring about a revolution in the spaces in which first breaths are taken?
As Alastair Faud Luke stated, “We have failed to put the individual in the middle of the sustainable design debate”. –

Let us not continue to fail.

$49 e-Course Deal – Four Days Only!

I’ll keep this short-n-sweet…

Looks like the October “Holy Work of a Doula” e-course session may be super cozy + intimate, which could be a beautiful thing.

That said, I’m offering a quick reduced-rate deal on the course in an effort round up any last minute women who’d like to join in the circle.  Come sit around the virtual fire as we all share wisdom around conscientious birth support.

  • In “Groupon” style, I’m asking for at least seven registrants in order to accomodate this offer and feel confident that the small size of the course will serve and honor the participants fully.
  • Register by Saturday, October 6th and take advantage of the full three-week course for $49 (instead of the full rate of $70).
  • Enter discount code October49 upon registration to redeem this offer.

  • Registration will close at midnight on 10/6/12 and will not be extended.
  • I’ll monitor the registration process and, if the minimum of seven registrations aren’t received, I will contact you via email personally and discuss the options (which may include postponing the course and/or refunding your money.  I really want to keep this feeling energetically good to everyone).
  • Course will begin on Monday, October 15th.